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Posted by jd8coke Promoted 53 days 3 hours ago 1442 views
Entertainment / General Entertainment
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18 comments
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In the end (about 24 hours later) I got myself a brand spanking new Xbox 360. The only problem was that I had a hangover and got it from the first place I went in. PC World sucks balls by the way.
I ventured on to place called Comet to look for the game as PC World had sold all the games in exchange for said sucking of donkey balls. After five seconds of searching the aisles I hollered to one of the many over-age, orange shirted slackers, that I required a copy of Grand Theft Auto 4 for the Xbox 360 as I could not find it anywhere in this outlet. Said slacker disappeared into the back of the shop with a reassuring word, and as he returned, he asked my why so many people had asked him for this game in the past few days? My only reply was that if so many people had asked for it, why was it not on show? (My first thought of response of “Fuck! are you retarded? Being pushed to the back of my mind) it was then that I looked around at their deals and found out that I could have got the same deal on my console for £40 less. FUCK! My Impetuousness and zeal fucked me over again.
I will try to keep this short. I went home, set up my Xbox live account, did the usual bollocks and then proceeded to select multiplayer from the menu in GTA4.
People warned me that playing fps games online would be damaging to my health, but I never believed them. I thought that they meant me getting addicted and eating cookies all day while blasting other people away for hours at a time.
What I encountered during the first two hours was the equivalent of all racial, sexual and almost any slur you could ever think of. It was like LISTENING to 4chan. After a while you tend to tune out all the racial, homosexual, incest and bestiality slurs and proceed to kill random people you see on the streets (even players you were helping minutes before)
Within the first ten minutes I lost all faith in humanity after being asked to pick a player up in a car and then said player proceeding to blow me away when close enough. I died a little inside that day. It made me tougher though as I cyber stalked the guy through several games wiping the floor with him until he finally logged off.
Among the many things that I learned from my first few hours was that the English players will gang up on any American they meet, anyone saying they want to have a fist fight must be shot in the head as soon as you approach them, any female voice on a player will result in most players trying to kill them as soon as possible for not sending pics of their breasts no matter what age and most importantly, always play during school hours as 12 year old kids whistling and making fart noises down the mic will annoy you so badly that your head may explode.
In conclusion, this did damage my health as I now think that I suffer from high blood pressure and I’m pretty sure that my mental state will never be the same again. Every time I am in a car, all I can think of is “If you run that guy down, we can steal his cash”
