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Posted by micmac988 Promoted 46 days 15 hours ago 1150 views
Entertainment / Humor
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10 comments
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No, not the movie (although that's a seperate list), and it might not even make 10, so f@ck it.
I find myself, everyday, at a professional job I like with people I can tolerate for at least a few hours. But being in a professional environment I find myself holding back the things I really think and would like to say aloud. We all do this and it's a part of life, but I'm going to verbalize those dark, dirty, inner thoughts.
10. You're self centered and believe everyone should say how great you are. You think you have one regurgitated thought from last night's "The Office"and think it's the epiphany of intellectual consciousness. You think you're either the reincarnation of Plato or that pompous ass from the Mac vs PC commercials and pout when no one laughs or even cares. Fuck you.
9. I don't care if you have a PhD, you don't do shit that really contributes to the team effort. We do all the frigging work and you take all the credit. You're only still in this country because you're on a work visa and the INS can't track you down fast enough.
8. You think what you do is more important than what I do? Here's a news flash; If I wasn't needed, do you think they'd have a position SPECIFICALLY for what I do? I work just as hard as you do when the boss is around, so fuck you.
7. Don't eat all my god damned candy. I like 1 fucking thing out of 50 items in the snack machine and you always take it, usually as you see me heading that way during our breaks. I swear to god I'd smash you face through the glass if I thought it would get me a promotion.
6. Flush THEN wash. It's a simple concept. Your hand was just on your dick and who knows where either were before. I don NOT want to grab that door handle after I just witnessed you pissing all over the wall and your feet without you washing your hands. Nor do I want to hear unholy sounds coming from a stall, see you come out, grab the door handle THEN remember you didn't wash. It sort of defeats the purpose.
5. If I have to hear one more time about how great your weekend was, on a fucking Thursday, I will stab your eyes out with the company supplied sporks. I swear it.
4. We all know you're a slut and you're smoking the boss' hog, but if you use that fact one more time to get me or someone else to do YOUR job, me and 4 other guys are going to shove you shoulder deep in the boss' ass.
3. Get your fucking lunch out of the damned fridge already. Are you trying to help your kid out with a science experiment? Oh, and stop microwaving that left over fish dinner from last night. It may remind you of your wife, but it reminds me of a bad Sunday morning.
2. For all that is holy and good, stop sending me urgent emails about so-and-so's retirement. If I really cared, I would've said or done something. And please, PLEASE don't pester me about singing a card for Joe down in the bowels of company hell. I don't know him and he sure as shit don't know me.
1. Don't threaten to fire me for watching porn during MY break time on MY laptop. I've seen you on MySpace, FaceBook, eHarmony, and Craigslist. I wonder if your wife would be happy to hear about the "54 yr old professional with a fat wallet and fatter cock looking 2 hook up with young hung stud at HD Inn"?
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