Writing For An Online Audience: The Guide

Writing for an online audience is quite different from writing for printed media. In the online world, readers can immediately share their feelings about a particular piece. That doesn’t sound too bad, until you consider the fact that people can and will say things online that they’d never have the balls to say in real life. In other words, be prepared for some critical feedback. The readers will love you one day, and hate you the next. How can you get the most out of your online works? Strategies.

Here are a few strategies that I have tried to adopt when writing for an online audience.

1. Check Your Grammar

People whine that grammar online is not important as long as you get your idea across. This couldn’t be further from the truth. If you want to come off like a complete idiot, den u shud rite lyke dis. If you would like to be taken seriously, you should at least spell-check your work. Have someone read through it too. This will help you to eliminate grammatical errors and anything that spell-check missed. Oh, and for the love of God make sure you know the difference between your and you’re.

2. Make It Flow!

High school is supposed to teach people how to write what is called a “hamburger” essay. You don’t have to use that God-awful format exactly as you learned it, but the hamburger essay will give you an idea of what a properly flowing written work is supposed to look like. I still use the hamburger essay template to arrange my ideas in a logical manner. Then I fill in the bits that make a work entertaining to read. If you were out smoking joints that day in high school, you can find the hamburger essay template at the bottom of this article.

3. Polarize Your Readers

If you’re a comment whore, writing a polarizing piece is a great way to rack up hundreds of comments. It’s as simple as choosing a topic that roughly half of your audience will agree with. This way, a battle will start in the comments. It’s the pros versus the cons. This technique, when used in conjunction with the others that I have listed, will get your work noticed.

4. Argue An Opposing Viewpoint

This one is my ace in the hole. Every time that I’ve tried this, I’ve received a great many shouts and comments. Find an issue that you feel strongly about, and argue the point of view opposite your own. Not only will it give you a new perspective on the issue, it will allow you to remain unbiased. People are always bitching about editorials being biased. If you follow this strategy, you are leaving open the option of writing a sequel where you argue the viewpoint that you DO agree with. It’s win-win. I’ve done this three times, and I was rewarded with shouts, comments, and people trying to pass my shit off as their own.

5. Don’t Try Too Hard

Sometimes, a piece of work has to be forced out of your brain. You over-think what you’re trying to say, write and re-write, spend days researching until you think you’ve got it perfected (much like this one). You’ve read your piece several times and patted yourself on the back for a job well done. Then you submit it, and are promptly torn a new asshole by the readers. What the fuck happened? You thought about it too much, that’s what. You will find that the best work comes to you when you least expect it. You’re sitting on the can taking a crap, then BAM! an idea comes and you dive for a piece of paper. You frantically write and write; the words just pour from your head. Elapse time: ten minutes. You post it and the readers eat it up. What is the moral of the story? The best work comes naturally. The more you research, nitpick and over-think, the worse your piece will end up.

6. Be Xxoozero

If you’ve written enough solid work, you begin to get a reputation. People love you, hate you, or even want to kick your ass. Once you start receiving threatening emails, you know you’re on the right track. If a blogger creates an entire page devoted to dissing you, then you’re officially on easy street. For every person that hates you, there are twelve that love you. You no longer have to bust your ass to get accolades, because your legions of fans will always back you up. Do you know what that means? It means you’re free. You don’t have to worry about writing a popular piece. You can write just for the fun of it, because you enjoy writing. This is the level that all writers strive for. You should enjoy writing. It shouldn’t be a chore. Once you’ve eliminated the need to attract an audience, you’re free to write whatever pops into you’re head.

This isn’t an exhaustive list, of course. You’re also going to need a decent vocabulary, knowledge of traditional literary techniques, and a really thick skin. You’ll be insulted, you’ll be complimented, but in the end, you’ll have a blast.

Hamburger Essay

My Shout Count

Comments

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Neutralist, on 11/23/2006 9:55:40 PM
Total Posts: 309, Joined: 12/18/2005

LOL I think zeros work is anything but solid. More like loosely flailed around like a jester stumbling drunk upstairs while hurling a mace around his head.

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Stylborn, on 11/23/2006 10:17:03 PM
Total Posts: 660, Joined: 4/8/2006

Dammit will you be more tactful with your analogies? I'm not a big fan of zero or his "articles" but I happen to love drunk stumbling jesters hurling maces around their head! Upstairs! Ha ha! I love that image!

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warvigilent, on 11/23/2006 10:19:45 PM
Total Posts: 1370, Joined: 1/13/2006

has any of the zero haters ever considered he writes things specificly becuase he knows it will piss people off. look at how many tv personalities are like that, they know how to say the most retarded,bigoted,biased etc. thing because they know who exactly it will anger. zero knows how to push peoples buttons cause he can consitantly do it every time he writes.

its all the haters that give zero his name, not the people who like what he writes. (ps is there really a guy who started an anti-zero blog? link?)

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Neutralist, on 11/23/2006 10:27:40 PM
Total Posts: 310, Joined: 12/18/2005

lol @Stylborn, I love drunken jesters aswell, thats why i used that analogy, but the other half consists of puncturing his head with his own mace :) be carefull zero

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steelcity, on 11/23/2006 10:51:57 PM
Total Posts: 182, Joined: 2/25/2006

Well you can combine 3,4 and 6 because thats exactly what zero does. He thinks up an idea for an article that will get the most comments. Are any of his submissions funny to anyone beyond their college years? You can make stories about religion and no matter what you think, there are going to be people arguing it. Saying Jesus was an asshole is going to get people riled up. Immature? very. Self centered? yes. Comment whore? For sure. Editor?Check.Sad? Yes.

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djoney, on 11/23/2006 11:37:21 PM
Total Posts: 186, Joined: 3/29/2006

nice bulshoy... keep it up.... shouted...

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DeezNuts, on 11/23/2006 11:48:17 PM
Total Posts: 153, Joined: 4/11/2006

"For every person that hates you, there are twelve that love you."

I don't think this really applies to Zero. I think it's the other way around.

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bulshoy, on 11/24/2006 5:37:17 AM
Total Posts: 1948, Joined: 11/15/2005

QUOTE>> "If you have to follow rules to write legibly, please, don't write at all. Also don't write pointless articles... like this one."

See, this is a perfect example of the type of idiot that online writers will have to deal with.

Believe it or not, Einstein, ALL writers follow rules. As for this article being useless; apparently you are unfamiliar with some of the finer points of writing, so you could have learned something. Too bad you took the "ignorant troll" approach to commenting.

@ Cowpants
quote>> "Elapse time: ten minutes." - elapsed, surely?

Sorry, typo. Ah, the irony.
quote>> "Toying with his readers is not an easy thing for a good writer to resist. ;o)"

:)
quote>> "- fake-shout your articles plenty with shadow accounts (a Shoutwire specialty)"

Editors don't do this. Regular users sometimes do, but if I catch 'em they get the boot.

@ gluco
quote>> "After reading so many editorials, many come off as trying to appeal (way too much) to the younger crowd. "

You're right. Consider the target audience, though. According to the SW demographics page, 20% of users are 21-25, and 18% are 18-20. This is the audience that most editors are gunning for when they write.
quote>> "I don't think this really applies to Zero. I think it's the other way around."

You'd be surprised. Haters don't give your article 200 shouts. You can talk shit about Zero's articles and content all you want, but he's a damn good writer, and he pushes people's buttons every time he writes. People come to this site just to read his shit.

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steelcity, on 11/24/2006 5:52:51 AM
Total Posts: 193, Joined: 2/25/2006

QUOTE>> "After reading so many editorials, many come off as trying to appeal (way too much) to the younger crowd. "

You're right. Consider the target audience, though. According to the SW demographics page, 20% of users are 21-25, and 18% are 18-20. This is the audience that most editors are gunning for when they write.

You would think you would try to appeal to the other 62% as well?

"You'd be surprised. Haters don't give your article 200 shouts. You can talk shit about Zero's articles and content all you want, but he's a damn good writer, and he pushes people's buttons every time he writes. People come to this site just to read his shit."

I guess the 18-25 year old immature kids bump the stories to 200. Also, saying he is a damn good writer is YOUR OPINION and is often debated. Also, if you write about religion,politics,racism etc. you are going to get people riled up no matter what the (mostly lame) content. I would expect more from a 35 year old then stories about fighting Tom Cruise. I know it is meant to be humorous but its lost on me.

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