Writing for an online audience is quite different from writing for printed media. In the online world, readers can immediately share their feelings about a particular piece. That doesn’t sound too bad, until you consider the fact that people can and will say things online that they’d
never have the balls to say in real life. In other words, be prepared for some critical feedback. The readers will love you one day, and hate you the next. How can you get the most out of your online works? Strategies.
Here are a few strategies that I have tried to adopt when writing for an online audience.
1.
Check Your GrammarPeople whine that grammar online is not important as long as you get your idea across. This couldn’t be further from the truth. If you want to come off like a complete idiot,
den u shud rite lyke dis. If you would like to be taken seriously, you should
at least spell-check your work. Have someone read through it too. This will help you to eliminate grammatical errors and anything that spell-check missed. Oh, and for the love of God make sure you know the difference between
your and
you’re.
2.
Make It Flow!High school is supposed to teach people how to write what is called a “hamburger” essay. You don’t have to use that God-awful format exactly as you learned it, but the hamburger essay will give you an idea of what a properly flowing written work is supposed to look like. I still use the hamburger essay template to arrange my ideas in a logical manner. Then I fill in the bits that make a work entertaining to read. If you were out smoking joints that day in high school, you can find the hamburger essay template at the bottom of this article.
3.
Polarize Your ReadersIf you’re a comment whore, writing a polarizing piece is a great way to rack up hundreds of comments. It’s as simple as choosing a topic that roughly half of your audience will agree with. This way, a battle will start in the comments. It’s the pros versus the cons. This technique, when used in conjunction with the others that I have listed, will get your work noticed.
4.
Argue An Opposing ViewpointThis one is my ace in the hole. Every time that I’ve tried this, I’ve received a great many shouts and comments. Find an issue that you feel strongly about, and argue the point of view
opposite your own. Not only will it give you a new perspective on the issue, it will allow you to remain unbiased. People are always bitching about editorials being biased. If you follow this strategy, you are leaving open the option of writing a sequel where you argue the viewpoint that you DO agree with. It’s win-win. I’ve done this three times, and I was rewarded with shouts, comments, and people trying to pass my shit off as their own.
5.
Don’t Try Too HardSometimes, a piece of work has to be forced out of your brain. You over-think what you’re trying to say, write and re-write, spend days researching until you think you’ve got it perfected (much like this one). You’ve read your piece several times and patted yourself on the back for a job well done. Then you submit it, and are promptly torn a new asshole by the readers. What the fuck happened? You thought about it too much, that’s what. You will find that the best work comes to you when you least expect it. You’re sitting on the can taking a crap, then BAM! an idea comes and you dive for a piece of paper. You frantically write and write; the words just pour from your head. Elapse time: ten minutes. You post it and the readers eat it up. What is the moral of the story? The best work comes naturally. The more you research, nitpick and over-think, the worse your piece will end up.
6.
Be XxoozeroIf you’ve written enough solid work, you begin to get a reputation. People love you, hate you, or even want to kick your ass. Once you start receiving threatening emails, you know you’re on the right track. If a blogger creates an entire page devoted to dissing you, then you’re officially on easy street. For every person that hates you, there are twelve that love you. You no longer have to bust your ass to get accolades, because your legions of fans will always back you up. Do you know what that means? It means you’re free. You don’t have to worry about writing a popular piece. You can write just for the fun of it, because you enjoy writing. This is the level that all writers strive for. You should
enjoy writing. It shouldn’t be a chore. Once you’ve eliminated the need to attract an audience, you’re free to write whatever pops into you’re head.
This isn’t an exhaustive list, of course. You’re also going to need a decent vocabulary, knowledge of traditional literary techniques, and a really thick skin. You’ll be insulted, you’ll be complimented, but in the end, you’ll have a blast.
Hamburger Essay