Reason 1.
Only one man who has ever lived has been bad enough to be called “The Man In Black” and it wasn’t Chuck Norris

Reason 2.
Johnny didn’t have to fight to be a bad ass. He just had to pick up a beer bottle and a guitar.

Reason 3.
Norris made a bunch of films where he killed folks. Johnny Cash went to Folsom Prison and did a concert. You tell me which one takes more balls.

Reason 4.
Chuck wasn’t the first of his kind to kick ass. Johnny was the first rock star to set something on fire. While most artists only set their hotel rooms on fire, Johnny took it one step further and burned down half a national forest.

Reason 5.
When Chuck was five, he was a normal five year old. Johnny had already earned man points by working in his dad’s cotton fields. That is a true bad ass. By the time he was six, Cash did more hard work than most men do in their whole life.

Reason 6.
Chuck never got stabbed in the back by a woman. Johnny never stopped bleeding. Chuck may have gotten punched a few times, but Johnny knew what real pain was.

Reason 7.
Chuck is a republican. Johnny was close with every president except for GWB. It was said he just didn’t trust that son of a bitch. When Johnny didn’t trust someone, you just knew something foul was going on.

Reason 8.
Johnny was invited to play the at White House in 1972 for Richard Nixon. He was given a list of politically correct songs to sing. He instead metaphorically threw up his middle finger at the establishment, in true ShoutWire fashion, and sang a set full of left leaning, politically charged tunes. Chuck Norris has never told the president to fuck off in his own house.

Reason 9.
Chuck Norris made a lot of crappy movies. Johnny Cash never touched anything that didn’t turn to gold. In the 80’s, he made a song called “Chicken in Black” to get himself out of a record deal. Even that became popular.

Reason 10.
Johnny is the only man in history to decline painkillers after a double bypass heart surgery. He knew he liked drugs too god damn much and wouldn’t stop. That shows power over an addiction previously not seen before. Kicking a ninja's ass is easy compared to kicking a drug's ass.


Writer's Note: I am by no means a country music fan, but Johnny Cash transcends genre.


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Fate, on 9/2/2006 10:56:41 PM
Total Posts: 342, Joined: 2/16/2006
I thought the Chuck Norris jokes were done with 3 years ago.
 |  Comment Score: Neutral  |  Edit Comment
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GlucophageXR, on 9/3/2006 1:37:49 AM
Total Posts: 16, Joined: 2/24/2006

How does Johnny own Chuck Norris because he:
"Refused pain killers,"
"Stuck up his middle finger,"
"Made a song called "Chicken In Black","
"Set something on fire,"
"Got invited to play at the White House,"
and
"Went to prison."
 |  Comment Score: Excellent  |  Edit Comment
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Deezy, on 9/3/2006 1:38:24 AM
Total Posts: 55, Joined: 12/28/2005
The Berlin wall fell because Johnny Cash rocked it down with his guitar.
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Deezy, on 9/3/2006 1:40:42 AM
Total Posts: 56, Joined: 12/28/2005
GlucophageXR, with all that gay talk makes one wonder who the fag is. hint it's you! How does it feel to secretly wanna suck chuck norris's balls it's ok u can tell us we will only judge you a little bit
 |  Comment Score: Neutral  |  Edit Comment
mbatterham, on 9/3/2006 6:02:38 AM
Total Posts: 0, Joined: 9/3/2006
glucophage, you totally missed the point of this post. it was to illustrate that chuck norris isn't that great. it's late, and I'm tired, so I couldn't be bothered picking apart your arguement, maybe some other time
 |  Comment Score: Neutral  |  Edit Comment
PhantomProject, on 9/3/2006 7:39:57 AM
Total Posts: 100, Joined: 2/24/2006
comparing johnny cash to chuck is an insult to jc but a great compliment to cn...........we dont wanna make chuck happy now do we
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JimiFloyd, on 9/3/2006 10:44:53 AM
Total Posts: 71, Joined: 5/11/2006
All you guys in here talking shit on Chuck, are in for a hurting.. I predict at least half or not all of the people who disgraced Chucks name today, will either die of a hot fist injection or a roundhouse kick to the face....
 |  Comment Score: Neutral  |  Edit Comment
Stretto133, on 9/3/2006 12:06:02 PM
Total Posts: 4, Joined: 9/2/2006
@GlucophageXR: Right on. I'm glad theres some person here with atleast half a brain. I didn't realize that shoutwire is jsut a bunch of homo's that are mad at the world because. Now I see it plain as day. Thanks for pointing it out. The said fact is about these people is not only are they homo's they are also idiots. I really feel sorry for them ;/
 |  Comment Score: Neutral  |  Edit Comment
Brokenantimatter, on 9/3/2006 6:37:29 PM
Total Posts: 0, Joined: 8/29/2006
About god damn Shout Wire finally got news worth commenting.


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jimmyman99, on 9/3/2006 6:47:25 PM
Total Posts: 15, Joined: 3/3/2006
I dont care about Chuck Norris or Johny Cash, but those reasons are lame.
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