10 Reasons Why Johnny Cash Owns Chuck Norris

Reason 1.
Only one man who has ever lived has been bad enough to be called “The Man In Black” and it wasn’t Chuck Norris

Reason 2.
Johnny didn’t have to fight to be a bad ass. He just had to pick up a beer bottle and a guitar.

Reason 3.
Norris made a bunch of films where he killed folks. Johnny Cash went to Folsom Prison and did a concert. You tell me which one takes more balls.

Reason 4.
Chuck wasn’t the first of his kind to kick ass. Johnny was the first rock star to set something on fire. While most artists only set their hotel rooms on fire, Johnny took it one step further and burned down half a national forest.

Reason 5.
When Chuck was five, he was a normal five year old. Johnny had already earned man points by working in his dad’s cotton fields. That is a true bad ass. By the time he was six, Cash did more hard work than most men do in their whole life.

Reason 6.
Chuck never got stabbed in the back by a woman. Johnny never stopped bleeding. Chuck may have gotten punched a few times, but Johnny knew what real pain was.

Reason 7.
Chuck is a republican. Johnny was close with every president except for GWB. It was said he just didn’t trust that son of a bitch. When Johnny didn’t trust someone, you just knew something foul was going on.

Reason 8.
Johnny was invited to play the at White House in 1972 for Richard Nixon. He was given a list of politically correct songs to sing. He instead metaphorically threw up his middle finger at the establishment, in true ShoutWire fashion, and sang a set full of left leaning, politically charged tunes. Chuck Norris has never told the president to fuck off in his own house.

Reason 9.
Chuck Norris made a lot of crappy movies. Johnny Cash never touched anything that didn’t turn to gold. In the 80’s, he made a song called “Chicken in Black” to get himself out of a record deal. Even that became popular.

Reason 10.
Johnny is the only man in history to decline painkillers after a double bypass heart surgery. He knew he liked drugs too god damn much and wouldn’t stop. That shows power over an addiction previously not seen before. Kicking a ninja's ass is easy compared to kicking a drug's ass.

Writer's Note: I am by no means a country music fan, but Johnny Cash transcends genre.

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tcane, on 9/2/2006 4:49:09 PM
Total Posts: 12, Joined: 12/18/2005

if you stare between the map and reason number 10, and you've taken enough benadryl, you can see a green peace symbol...

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tcane, on 9/2/2006 4:53:31 PM
Total Posts: 13, Joined: 12/18/2005

if you stare between the map and reason number 10, and you've taken enough benadryl, you can see a green peace symbol...

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humanvegetable, on 9/2/2006 4:55:30 PM
Total Posts: 5, Joined: 8/17/2006

chuck norris can roundhouse kick johnny cash to life.

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AsiaRulez, on 9/2/2006 4:58:56 PM
Total Posts: 911, Joined: 11/13/2005

Shouted

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Mercy, on 9/2/2006 4:59:27 PM
Total Posts: 17, Joined: 2/14/2006

I was born and raised in the same town as this guy. . .lol I think. . .*wikipedias for a second*

yup. .

Dyess. . .I go there all the time. . . and it's a constant reminder that maybe. . .JUST MAYBE . . .one day. . greatness will reach back into this bucket and pull me out. . . if I try hard enough. . .

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Quotato, on 9/2/2006 4:59:42 PM
Total Posts: 0, Joined: 9/2/2006

Chuck Norris served in The United States Army
Johnny Cash served in The United States Air Force

Now, you all know the Army is tougher than the Air Force.

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MetalGod1, on 9/2/2006 5:12:02 PM
Total Posts: 230, Joined: 1/12/2006

@jackanape, go get raped.

country is the tr00 way of life.

Johnny Cash, was a brilliant example of the best fking country music, he is legendary and an idol, God Bless Him, R.I.P

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Gentz, on 9/2/2006 5:30:13 PM
Total Posts: 21, Joined: 3/28/2006

According to wikipedia, which is the great source of everything known to man, they both served in the Air Force. They were both enlisted though, and enlisted is tough regardless of the branch. You just have to deal with so much bullshit all of the time.

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evilmister, on 9/2/2006 5:31:22 PM
Total Posts: 10, Joined: 6/4/2006

pfft. you wanna see tough? see jc's cover of that NIN song. that's fucking tough. you wanna see tough?

johnny mothereffing cash is so tough that when he looked god in the eye and said 'tell me i'm the man, bitch', god fucking looked at johnny cash and said, 'you the man, johnny, the man in black, now please, let me go'.

johnny cash is so bad that the Devil Hisself doesn't want him in Hell. He's too tough. what did the devil do? the devil totally made a new place for Johnny to Rest In Kicking Your Ass called Cashville delle Muerte, that's what.

If Johnny Cash was put into the ring with Chuck 'I AM a Sasquatch' Norris, all it'd take is a LOOK, man. A Look. and that'd be it. he'd be crying home to mama.

the only person JOhnny Cash can't beat is himself. even the attempt to try would result in a catastrophic explosion of entropy and we would all be consumed in the fiery aftermath, spawning a newer, bigger, MegaJohnny Complete with Action Grip, Workable Guitar, and Endless Bottle of Booze.

BOOOOYAH.

don't get me started, cuz i won't finish.

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Quotato, on 9/2/2006 5:45:43 PM
Total Posts: 2, Joined: 9/2/2006

Quote[According to wikipedia, which is the great source of everything known to man, they both served in the Air Force. They were both enlisted though, and enlisted is tough regardless of the branch. You just have to deal with so much bullshit all of the time.]CloseQuote

Thank You Gentz, I did not research enough.

Did Chuck Norris deploy to Korea?

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