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Posted by bulshoy Promoted 70 days 13 hours ago 7385 views
editorial
Entertainment / General Entertainment
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Making money is hard. If you have no education, it’s even harder. If you’re in the middle of a down-and-out period, making money might be nigh impossible. What follows is my guide to getting money. It is designed to help those who are in desperate need of a leg up – maybe a few bucks to get a suit for a job interview, or some food and shelter for that point in your life where you’re totally fucked.
These methods are easy – no special skill is required other than the determination to actually carry them out. Note that some of these fall into a grey area somewhere between legal and illegal, while some are totally illegal. Naturally, ShoutWire does not condone illegal activities (save for smoking weed). This is for “entertainment purposes only.”
1. Selling Blood
There are over 400 for-profit blood collection centers in the USA. Why not sell something that you can make more of – blood? All you have to do is sit in a chair and let them tap you like a keg.
You can expect about $35 bucks per visit. Alas, you are limited to two visits per week. There are also some conditions that you may or may not meet. Expect to wait 30 minutes or so while they review your medical history. Lastly, donating too often can fuck up your veins or deplete your body of iron, so don’t go too nuts with this.
Sorry Canadian readers, but I am unaware of any for-profit blood banks in Canada.
2. Selling Drugs
Yeah I know. Selling drugs is illegal. However, there is a constant demand for drugs. Somebody has to meet that demand, and it might as will be you.
Hopefully your trip to the ol’ blood bank was profitable, ‘cause you’ll need that $70. Once you’ve staggered out of the blood bank, you should look for some drugs. Though any drug will do, your best bet is buying a gram of cocaine. Cocaine has the highest profit margin (by a long shot). The $70 buck that you received for your blood should be more than enough to buy a gram.
Now take your gram to a coffee shop or restaurant. Grab a few baggies of Splenda or other sweetener and head to ye olde bathroom. Open a stall, sit down, and proceed to stomp the fuck out of the gram that you just bought. Mix it down 50-50 with Splenda. That’ll double your count.
Now simply hang out at a club, party or just stand around somewhere where people are doing blow. Chances are, you’ll be approached. When you’ve sold what you have, take the money you made and buy some more. Rinse and repeat until you have the desired amount of money.
Note that this is an extremely risky way to make money. You’ll be constantly looking over your shoulder, and it’s not because of the cops. Selling stomped-on coke can cause irate customers to retaliate, and unscrupulous individuals are itching to roll you for your money. Try this only if the other described moneymaking ventures fail.
3. Fake Raffle Tickets
This one works best for people who either look young or are currently in high school. All you need is paper and a computer with a printer. If you have neither, there are plenty of places that have both (libraries, etc).
Simply dream up a raffle. It could be a TV, a car, whatever. You can use any program, be it Photoshop or MSPaint. Just make sure there’s a tear-off tab for them to keep, and ensure that the proper information is on the ticket. For example, in Ontario, there has to be a license number on the ticket. Check a legit ticket for the correct license number format and copy it.
Lastly, the tear off strip has to be convincing. In sewing kits, there is often a tool that looks like a pizza cutter with teeth. You can use this tool to create perforation so that the tear-away part looks legit.
Now all you have to do is sell ‘em. The person who buys them will just assume that they didn’t win, but what they don’t know is that NOBODY wins, except you.
4. Metal Harvesting
This one offers the most gain for the least amount of risk. You can potentially make thousands in one night! Though it is technically illegal, nobody will care as long as you don’t harvest metal from useful items.
Before I get into specifics, I’ll fill you in on the types of locations that you will need to scope out. Think abandoned industrial complexes, such as mines, factories and warehouses. Also, many places have scrap bins that are ripe for harvest. What you want to avoid are statues, headstones, or other things that have value to someone. Just take things that are abandoned, or things from huge mega-corporations.
Copper is your best bet. It’s worth about $4.50 per pound right now, which is high. Look for pipes, wire, or any other copper materials – the more pure, the better. We used to look for huge spools of wire out in the bush (somewhere where lines are being set up). Simple go there in the middle of the night, hack off as many 10 foot lengths as you can, and drag them to an area where you can start a fire without people noticing. Use an exacto-knife to cut the casing off, then toss the lengths into the fire. Wait until the insulation has burned completely off, and you’ll be left with very dirty strands of pure copper. All you have to do now is haul it to a scrapper and sell it! You can easily make $1500 in one day using this technique.
Aluminum is worth quite a bit too. Think barbeque lids, aluminum loading ramps and siding for houses. I won’t go into details, but I’m sure you can figure out where to get such materials.
Lastly, catalytic converters contain precious metals such as platinum. While extracting these metals is not something that you can do at home, you can sell the complete units to scrappers. Since this will be the subject of its own editorial, I’ll leave it at that.
5. Selling Cigarettes
I admit that I’m not sure if this will work in a country other than Canada, but it sure works here.
In Canada, a pack of smokes will run you about $10. However, if you’re Native, you can purchase smokes tax-free. You can also buy “Native smokes” for $20 per carton. See what I’m getting at here?
If you yourself are not Native, all you have to do is go downtown. Find a drunk Native (I don’t mean to sound racist, but you won’t have a problem finding someone) and tell him that you’ll buy him some booze if he can buy smokes on the reserve for you. Take him to the nearest reserve (hopefully close by) and get him to buy as many cartons / packs as you can afford. Send him on his way (with the promised booze), and begin the task of selling your smokes. Mark them up as you see fit – someone WILL buy them.
People actually do this for a living. Some make ridiculous sums of money, too. We’re talking $400-800 per week, which isn’t too shabby considering the amount of effort you need (almost none).
So that’s it. These are easy ways to make money. They require very little in the way of start up costs, and little or no skill to execute. Are they unscrupulous? Hell yes. Illegal? Most of ‘em. Terrible terrible things to suggest to people on the internet? Damned right. Yet they work. If you’ve spent the last week sleeping in a ditch, you probably won’t have qualms about punking some copper wire or selling a gram or two of coke. If you have morals and don’t want to stoop to this kind of thing, hey, that’s your decision to make, but I’ll bet you’ll be thinking about it long and hard as you curl up on the cement floor of Boiler Room #4, your current address until you find some cash.
