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Posted by Xxoozero Promoted 105 days 15 hours ago 7837 views
editorial
Informative / Informative General
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180 comments
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A lot of noise has been coming from across oceans as of late. At first we, here in North America, thought it was a party. We were kind of sad we weren’t invited. It wasn’t until the lone sober illegal Mexican deciphered some of the Spanish that we realized that we were the cause of this commotion, and also that it wasn’t a party at all. It was a bitchfest.
First of all, if anyone here has the right to call anyone else war mongers, it is us. We have, in our past, had to kick out the British, French, and Spanish for trying that monarchy shite on us. Multiple times. “But zero, none of those countries have attacked the USA in over a hundred years!” Exactly. Lesson learned.
Moving on to the Middle East: Fuck you guys with big sticks right in your ass. We try to bring you freedom, taking time out of our busy schedule, and what do we get? Bitching. Bitching and suicide bombers. I mean seriously, for being the cradle of civilization and all, you guys are way far behind in the area of “launching an attack without getting your own damn self killed”. That and learning to live with your neighbors in peace. Think about it… Colorado never attacks Kansas…
Moving on to the Far East, a people who are well known for their leaps and bounds in the category of human rights. Oh wait, that’s right. No they aren’t. Slavery still exists in India masked as the cast system. Tibet is getting raped in the ass by the Chinese and no one cares. Oh, and your religions are so fucking ridiculous they make Saturday morning cartoons seem believable. 8 arms, yeah… how stupid do you have to be to believe that? The answer is the collective IQ of India, Pakistan, and Nepal.
Speaking of the Chinese… No. You would not beat the US in a war. Why not? Because even a billion red commies would be hard pressed to take on an aircraft we stole from aliens. Don’t think we got them? Take a look at Japans history and see what we can do out of nowhere to end a war. You could also read up on the internet… but oh yeah, your country outlawed that. Pwnd.
Now let’s switch gears to the Russians and all other eastern block assholes. You lost the cold war. Not only did you lose the cold war, but you lost half of your fucking nuclear missiles too. Good going there… it’s not like anyone might benefit from finding such a thing lying around. Most people don’t even know what they look like. Except the Muslims, and frankly, they are the one people in this world who should NOT EVER have the ability to blow up lots of stuff at once. I wonder if they would strap someone to the bomb before dropping it though…
As far as South America, Canada, Ireland, and Australia go… you’re cool. We have forgiven the Canadians for burning our White House and the Irish for sending mass drunks to our shores. It’s impossible to hate South America, due to the fact they have superior boobs. Australia has never done anything bad except for letting that dude rape his daughter in his basement for over a decade. Shame on you for that, Australia.
Africa doesn’t even exist on the American map. Not because it is desolate, there is more wilderness in North America than all of Africa, but because they are all going to be dead of AIDS in the next few years anyways. I will give them this though, they are going out like champs fucking everything that walks. The first continent ever to be killed by their own horniness…
Since it doesn’t get any better than sending a collective fuck you to the rest of the world before the clock even hits 7 A.M., I leave you with that.
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