In the beginning, there were wussies kicking around balls. Nobody was having fun, and humanity had no outlet for violence save wars and murder. After a particularly boring football (soccer) game, the lone Canadian player suddenly had an epiphany – why not change the ball to a small rubber disc? While we’re at it, why not make fist-fights part of the game too? In fact, let’s throw in the final complication of having the players play the game on glare ice and replace shoes with razor-sharp knives? This was the humble beginning of the best sport yet invented by man – hockey.
Playoff time is approaching once again. I thought this would be an ideal time to point out hockey’s superiority over every other sport ever invented – especially the pussy-fest that is football (soccer). I was going to do a point-by-point breakdown, but the superiority of hockey over football (soccer) is so crystal clear that it would be pointless to go into it further. It’s pretty much a bunch of sugar-plum fairies prancing around tickling each other with their fairy wands. I’ll just let it stand at that. Football (soccer) pussies can simply leave their pussy remarks about their pussy “sport” in the comments.
Wait just a second – is it possible that American football is more manly than hockey? A quick glance at a game of American football betrays the fact that it is a fairy sport in disguise. It’s like watching a traffic jam – play starts, then stops, then starts, then stops again. No breakneck speed, no dazzling dipsy-doodles, no fist-fights. Sure, there is strategy involved, but it has all the excitement of a fucking chess match. Do you ever see shit like this (below) in American football? Uh, no.
Speaking of fighting, you’d think guys who are decked out in that much padding would be up for a little scrapping now and then. Sadly this is not the case. I can count the number of fights that I’ve seen in American football with one hand. Hockey, on the other hand, can be like UFC on ice.
Take a look at the video that follows. Do you see any pussies out there? Not a single one. It’s all part of the game. Hell, the fans expect to see this shit.
Hell yeah. Now THAT’s a fight. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah – hockey kicks ass when compared to other sports. Sorry, that video generated a little blood lust for a moment.
To make a long story short, hockey is fast-paced, violence laden, edge-of-your-seat excitement. I encourage you to prove me wrong. Show me a sport that you think is more manly than hockey, and I’ll show you a video of Todd Bertuzzi hitting someone so hard that he damn near breaks the guy’s neck.
Oh and as a parting shot, fuck you Leafs! Couldn’t make the playoffs yet again, eh? Go Sens!