I saw the first preview of a new show called LOST and was instantly pulled in. The commercials gave me chills and when the Pilot premiered it blew me away. The cold opening has a kind of creepy feel to it and the show seemed to have a lot of promise. Now in its 4th season the show has likened itself to its own name, LOST.
Now I have become sort of forced to watch this show because I have put so much time in to it I might as well finish it off. The writers seemed to have written themselves in to this big corner where the only thing they can do is make the show more ridiculous. Some examples of the suck:
Running in the jungleWhenever the show seems to be going no where the cast decides they need to run through the jungle for the entire episode, or sometimes of the length of a few episodes. Someone is always missing and they need to go find them. It starts to rain but the torches they seem to have an ample supply of never go out. I’m not saying that the cast running in the jungle is stupid, no wait, yeah, it’s stupid.
Hurley Still Being a Whale
This guy landed on the island fatter than the fattest fat ass from fat ass land. It may have been good for him, the lack of chocolate flavored bacon may have made him lose a pound or two, but it didn’t. Maybe the island has a power to stop a person from losing weight? Kind of like how Locke couldn’t walk…but it’s just Hurley stays shockingly obese.
The Flashbacks/Flash forwardsThis is what the writers created because the island story is sort of short, so they have to go back and forth to shoe horn some filler in to the episode. Kind of like when you’re watching family guy and a cutaway happens that has nothing to do in the plot. Yeah, that is sort of what Lost does, but the cutaway is like 20 minutes on and off for the whole show. It’s like your senile grandpa telling you stories of his past while being interrupted by long diaper changes.
New CharactersSince only a few people are shown from the many that survived the implausible crash, they can show new characters whenever they want. A recent episode had 4 new characters parachute from a helicopter that came from a boat off shore that they can’t get to with out Desmond teleporting his brain to when he was in the army and just recently left his girlfriend. When ever the writers can’t figure out where to go next, they introduce new characters.
PlotlinesSince there are more characters running around the island, it means the writers have to throw in a bunch of plot lines on top of the dozen other plot lines that have seen no resolution. There are so many plot lines in this show that it makes the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels look like an episode of According to Jim. And as soon as they create a new plotline in one episode, they don’t mention it anymore. For example; when Desmond loses his memory and can teleport his consciousness from the present to a few years ago, he almost dies until he finds his constant, so he can do it with out almost dying now. The next episode doesn’t mention it what so ever and it’s back to business as usual, meaning more plotlines.
DowntimeLost shows a few new episodes, and then next week you turn on the TV expecting a new episode and you get two middle fingers from ABC. They don’t tell you that it isn’t new. They just expect you to take it like a Vietnamese prostitute. Even when they promised they wouldn’t do it anymore this year, the damn writers strike made it happen again!
The Monster
This is another huge plotline that is dragging because fans probably guessed what it is so the writers had to change it to something else. Now they can’t do anything with it yet because they are stumped on explaining it. What the hell can they make a big black cloud in to? My guess was a nano-bot cloud, but they say no. I’m hoping it’s the ghost of George Burns and the cloud is from his cigar. That’s just me. Maybe Al Gore will come to the island and give a speech on Global Warming because the monster looks like the sky in L.A.
Love InterestsSo jack loves Kate, and Sawyer loves Kate, and Kate loves both, and now Jack is tapping Juliet, and Kate is jealous of Juliet. In my head it ends with a righteous orgy, but now it’s just getting retarded. They add more love shit to make this show even more ridiculous. It feels like a sci-fi soap opera more than anything.
The 4 toed foot statueI don’t think I was the only one who let out a big “Seriously?” when the boat went by a big 4 toed foot statue. They haven’t mentioned it at all since they saw it when in reality that would be what I would be mentioning the whole time if I was a survivor.
Sayid – They have Jack, Kate, and Hurley, plus we saw a statue of a big foot with 4 toes.
Charlie - We need to rescue them!
Me – What’s this about a 4 toed statue?
Charlie – Let’s go run through the jungle and find them!
Me – But what about the statue?!
Sayid – What?
Me – You mentioned a 4 toed statue?!
Sayid – Oh, that was last episode, on to something else we won’t explain!
Charlie – Onward!
Me – Fuck you J.J. Abrams.
On the Next Episode… After watching a new episode of Lost where nothing happened at all, a preview will be shown of the next new episode. The episode next week looks like the best new episode ever by the way it’s edited. But in the back of your mind you know nothing will happen. These tricky bastards are trying to make you think it will be good when the usual will happen…nothing. This is the typical outline of an episode of Lost:
Nothing happens
Flashback
They stare at each other
Some guy sees in to the future
Flashback
Running in jungle
They stare at each other more
Flashback
That fat guy says "Dude"
More jungle running
Flashback
5 new people are introduced
A somewhat interesting thing happens....but then wont be finished in the next episode.
I have special connections with people involved with the show, and they gave me a special peek for upcoming seasons. I wasn’t surprised when they sent me this image the other day. Spoilers below so don’t scroll down if you don’t want to ruin the next upcoming seasons because this image explains what is going to take place:
