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Posted by LifeRiot Promoted 198 days 14 hours ago 7334 views
editorial
Entertainment / Humor
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The original film was great. Something you tell all of your friends about. Then movie producers try to milk the films popularity by releasing a sequel. Ugh. These movies suck.
1. The Next Karate Kid.
Also known as the one without Ralph. This movie was all kinds of horrible. When Miyagi caught an arrow at his chest with his bare hand...I think time actually stops all over the world. Hilary Swank? She is like a more manish version of Leonado Dicaprio. This movie is rarely seen anymore. It's not even worthy of a Saturday day afternoon stint on TBS.
2. Son of the Mask
I honestly have never seen the movie it's so terrible. Just another film that Jim Carrey wisely chose to pass on. Who did they choose to replace him? Jamie Kennedy. The worst anything has ever existed is Jamie Kennedy. I don't know the premise of the movie really other than I am not going to see it. If I did, I might have to wear a mask so no one knew it was me walking into the theatre.
3. The Matrix Revolutions
I never thought I would leave a movie theatre and actually be very depressed. The acting was terrible, the dialogue was just so forced and fake. I walked out and uttered "Man...that sucked." It ended the series like it was the story of Jesus (although The Matrix is more believable than what is in the bible). The new oracle? could someone help her across the street and then leave her in the middle half way. "Everything that has a beginning...has an end." I was glad when it was over.
4. Speed 2
Did anyone actually read the script before they signed on for this movie? I can imagine them on the first day of shooting explaining to the actors the premise.
Director - Ok guys, this is gonna be like Speed, except on a boat.
Sandra - Oh no, this is a mistake.
Jason Patric - I am just glad I got work!
The sad thing is, this movie makes Keanu Reeves look like fucking Merlin by passing on this movie.
5. Jason X
It's literally Jason in space. It is proof that people that are retarded can produce, write, and film the dumbest movie ever thought of...well one of. The sad thing is that this movie looked the best of all the movies. It actually had a budget. I mean the first movie was terrible but at least it was sort of original and Kevin Bacon got killed. Any movie that kills Kevin Bacon deserves praise.
6. Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd
The first movie was just one big quote. It's over a decade old (I know, how old are we?!) and it's still being quoted in random situations. When someone gets a big gulp, you'll hear the "welp, wee yah later!" And then they thought a sequel with pretty much none of the original cast was a good idea. I watched this at my friends house and was stunned at how horrible the movie was. I am pissed actually thinking about it now. Watching it was painful, I can remember the weather outside and the tone in the room. The memory of how horrible it was is burned in to my brain. I sometimes wake up in a cold sweat screaming. The naked models all across my room jump on to me asking me what is wrong. "It's okay bitches, back to the ground."
7. Batman and Robin
Yeah, let's hire a supergay guy to direct Batman, and hire the most non lethal man on earth to be Batman. Plus, Arnold as Mr. Freeze? We get it dude, you freeze shit, stop making stupid puns related to ice and cold. Batman is suppose to be like a ninja. He doesn't just walk in to a bright room and be like "Sup?"
8. Staying Alive
No wait...Saturday Night Fever sucked hard too, so making a sequel to a shitty movie staring an in the closet homosexual is just awful. Stallone directed it too?...Really? No seriously, really?
9. Jaws: The Revenge
Don't watch it. It's that simple, stay away from this movie. Pretend that the movie is a shark that will bite you. But instead it's a time eater and will torture you for 2 hours.
10. The Star Wars Prequels
It probably could have been just one big movie. But Lucas decided he wanted to focus most of the screen time on ships taking off or landing. No one could act, and it was just sad. Plus all the tie ins to the original films are just funny. Like in the Phantom Menace they have to land because of some problem with the Hyper Drive, and convieniently the closest planet is Tattoine. Right after Obi whatever says that, nerds in the audience yell "THAT IS WHERE ANAKIN IS!!!!" and some other guy imitates the breathing of Vader. The sea of virgins laugh as I walk out of the theatre.
Honorable Mentions:
Son of Ace Ventura: I know!
Spiderman 3: Hey let's make the best villian Venom barely in the movie and have 2 more villians to make this movie just fucking dumb. Foreman as Venom? Are you kidding me?
Ocean's Twelve: 5 minutes of the movie was relevent. Then 130 minutes of shit that has nothing to do with anything. More dialogue between Pitt and Clooney that is just over played. This is dialogue between them in Oceans 17:
Clooney - Can I have a potato chip?
Pitt - .....
Clooney - I can't have a potato chip?
Pitt - .............
Clooney - Ok, so I can't have a potato chip.
(Pitt nods then walks away)
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