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Posted by LifeRiot Promoted 203 days 14 hours ago 12904 views
editorial
Entertainment / Humor
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65 comments
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I was sitting around today thinking about something to write about. I was flipping through the channels on my television and just got angry after a while. There are so many things in this world that just completely suck. Things that a group of people in a room somewhere must have just gone back and forth with, “Nope, let’s take that idea and make it shittier but appeal to stupid people.” And then a few months later we get to deal with it.
American Idol
What is it now, the 10th season (if I get corrected I will stab you in the leg)? Why is this show on? It has to be the stupidest thing to come to TV since that one time my friend and I made our own TV show. It mostly consisted of us copying Jackass until a few tragic follies. Aren’t most of the people who won American Idol complete failures? Have you ever been to a party or literally anywhere in the world and heard someone utter “Have you heard the new Ruben Studdard album?!” My first instinct would be to beat the hell out of them like Nelson beat up Martin on The Simpsons. And what about Fantasia? I saw her on the red carpet for the Grammys and I totally thought she was retarded. She looked like she loaded makeup in to a shot gun, pointed to her face, and pulled the trigger. Can she sing? I don’t care. What happened to people who wrote music, worked the clubs, and struggled to get a contract in the business? That is how I look at getting made. Now you just have to go to an audition where a drunk has-been cheerleader, a fat stereotypical black guy, and a pompous British ass judge you on whether you can sing. Didn’t Simon start the Spice Girls? How can he judge anyone?
Idaho
Most of you had to take the 50 state test in High School. If it wasn’t for this “state” you would have gotten a better grade. Idaho is known for nothing else then for potatoes. I actually went to the Wikipedia article on Idaho and found that to be a terrible experience. The pictures on the article they have are like enduring the extended edition of Dances with Wolves. I think that’s what living in Idaho would be like, watching the extended edition of Dances with Wolves over and over for your entire life. Its biggest city is Boise. No skyscrapers, none.
Cats
I’m not talking about pumas or lions, but house cats. These are the most worthless things on the planet. I’d rather have a pet mosquito suck blood from my neck rather then own a cat. With dogs you can play with them, play fetch, wrestle with them, chill out and watch a movie, whatever. But with a cat you can’t do anything. My friend has a cat, and before it comes in the room she gives you warnings for the cat:
“Don’t pet it too hard, Don’t look at her weird, Don’t tempt her with toys too long, Don’t touch her tail, and most of all don’t push her off your lap, wait until she gets off of you before you get up.”
Yeah, awesome pets cats are.
MySpace
I have a MySpace page. The only reason I do is because I have a music MySpace and it gets my stuff out there a little better. Other than that, MySpace is a piece of trash. Is it necessary to post 10 bulletins a day about stuff that is of no importance? “I’m so excited for lunch!” Really, that’s it? That’s all you had to say? Not to mention how you continuously write 200 questions surveys that no one pays attention to. I also love your pictures. That artistic photo of you taking a picture of yourself in the mirror, or the one where you take a picture of yourself from above and you kind of look away. It makes you look mysterious but it also tries to hide the fact that you are morbidly obese.
Bad Fashion Designers
I don't know what they think they know about fashion, but it certainly isn't much. Have you seen the crap on the runway sometimes (I don’t sit around at fashion shows, shut up)? Most of it looks like shit you'd see in an alien movie. And not the good alien movies, the bad ones like Battlefield Earth. Imagine a chick walking up to you in a bar looking like John Travolta in Battlefield Earth? I think both of your nuts would explode, and not the good explode either. Although anything that looked like John Travolta walking toward me would scare the hell out of me. How does he get his hair like that? It’s like weird Xenu magic!
Racism
Is it the 50’s still? Does everything have to be about race all the time? When I’m at the bar watching the Pistons play and they brick a shot, I get anxious and hope they get the ball back, but then some hillbilly in all denim a few seats down drops a few N bombs and ruins everything. A few years ago I was at the grocery store and I bumped into a black dude accidently and he said “Watch it cracka!” I was kind of offended. I mean he could have said something other than cracka. Cracka is our word! Joking. But in all seriousness, we are almost past the first decade of the new millennium, can’t we just not pay attention to this bullshit anymore. In a thousand years we’ll all be a whitish-brownish-yellowish mixture of all races speaking in clicks and clacks.
Crazy Conspiracies
Hold the bashing, and hell, don’t hold the bashing, just read. Some conspiracies are just retarded. Just because a few questions aren’t answered, it doesn’t mean Chuck Norris really roundhouse kicked the Twin Towers. Most conspiracy theories arise from people that really have nothing better to do. I use believe in the 9/11 conspiracy a few years back and was a major supporter. I watched Loose Change and all those documentaries. But after a while I started to look at the experts debunking of them and they were just obvious. Though things don’t line up, I still feel like a jerk for thinking the whole government and military kept this big thing under wraps to go to war with who ever they want. They did that anyway, no matter what the international community said! So be a little open minded and take in account both sides before you think Exo-Politics are controlling us or whatever.
Ghost Hunters
What pisses me off is this was ever considered to be entertainment. I get the fact that they’re searching for ghosts. That’s obvious. But do they have to turn the lights off to make it seem more spookier? Plus they make it look like they are using all this high tech hardware and dynamic recording software for the recordings of EVP’s (Electronic Voice Phenomena). And…damn Carla Gugino is really hot, I’m watching Sin City right now and…sorry. These people use Cool Edit Pro. Isn’t that like 20 bucks on the internet? But I actually encourage you to watch this show. Watch it, but watch it like it’s serious. I kid you not, it will be the funniest thing you’ll ever watch. It’s basically a half an hour of people walking around in the dark repeating “Hello, is anyone in here?” or “Did you feel that?!” Nothing happens, everything is mostly inconclusive, and the show gets picked up for another season. These people have the best job. Go to work, don absolutely nothing, and get a fat check. Where do I sign?!
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