From getting a date to getting laid, here are four essential strategies for success.
Hey, good friends, Joe Reagan here. As usual, I had a burning issue to discuss with everyone today, a result of having my 7th annual BBQ at Joe's destroyed by a ripped and crazed activist. Let's just say it was a mess, with an aftermath of singed hair and people being force-fed juicy cuts of meat. That discussion will be for next time.
Today, however, we are going in a different direction. After sharing the
5 Categories of Women with some friends, one of which slapped me after "joking" she was a Category 5, we got into a discussion of the lame and good moves we had learned through the years of dating. As you will recall, this is all from "Chuck", our buddy who is down on his luck.
After a night of talking, it was decided that I should share some of my most effective knowledge with everyone. So here you have it. These bits of wisdom will work pretty much as described. Here is my email.
joepreagan @ gmail.com. If you need some tips or have questions/comments/stories, send them to me.
The Star Watch
Strategy Name: The Star Watch
Result: Long Term Dating, *GFGP Effect, Getting Laid
Prep Time: 1 Week
Difficulty: Medium to Hard
The Star Watch is one of the most powerful and useful moves at your disposal. It is the type of knowledge wise Chinese kung fu (thanks for correction, Kung Fu) masters would save their last breath to tell a student. It's just that good.
The first thing you do is call around and see if there are any designated "space observatories" in your town. Local colleges and universities usually keep a good listing and are the best places to call. If not, find an open area, preferably elevated (a nice hill) out in the county side. If you are fortunate enough to get in touch with a local university, you may be able to rent out a powerful telescope. If not, simply rent a cheaper model if you don't own one and learn some constellations.
Ask local university faculty you speak with the most breath-taking things that can be seen during the particular time of year. You should wait for a "colder" month, as you will soon see.
The next step is to invite a girl, only one you want to actually date, out to "star watch" with you. Ask her out of the blue. Go out to your designated area about 12 am to 1 am, armed with only a blanket, constellation map and a thermos of hot chocolate. You will be going home with a new girlfriend, as well as having a long night ahead of you.
The Late Night "AIM"
Strategy Name: The Late Night "AIM"
Result: Breaking Ice, Getting Laid
Prep Time: 15 Minutes
Difficulty: Easy
This is a move that is more tailored for you college students out there, or those that live in more campus/apartment type housing. One of the most annoying things in a relationship for many can be getting over the awkwardness of saying, "I wanna bone you." Far too often two people are thinking it, but never have a chance to act on it.
The sad part is the two parties usually know how each other feel, but just don't have the ganas or "cajones" if you will, to say it. There is an easy work around. The first thing you do is verify, with several friends, that the girl you have in mind seems interested in a good romp with you. If you have girls who are actually friends (review The Guide to Women) they will be able to tell you in a heartbeat.
The next step is simple. First, take a shower, get freshened up, and throw on some scrubs or shorts. Shirt optional. Wait until like 2am, sign into AIM or MSN, and instant message the girl you have in mind:
YOU: hey, what's up?
GIRL: Heeeyy!! How are you? I'm just putting off doing a paper...bored out of my mind. What are you up to?
YOU says: Same here, bored.
GIRL: Yeah, this sucks. Wish there was something better to do.
YOU says: Want to come over and watch a movie?
GIRL Sure! sounds really good. i'll be over in a few minutes.
At this point I should mention, she does not want to come over at 2am to watch a movie. She wants to come over and frolick, and hopes that's where it goes. Watch the clock. The "few minutes" is the time she'll spend brushing teeth and freshening up, like you've already done. Pick a movie that makes good background noise.
The Run and Stretch
Strategy Name: The Run and Stretch
Result: Fit Girlfriend, *GFGP Effect, Getting Laid,
Prep Time: Ongoing (Must Be Fit)
Difficulty: Hard
After you have the same girlfriend for over a year, which many people consider to be essentially married as it is, you'll quickly find one thing to be true, if you are a healthy pair. Exercise makes people horny. Say whaaa, Joe?
One of the best things you can do with your girlfriend, or a woman you want to date, is exercise with her. The first benefit is that you're keeping yourself un-fat, which is always good. The next is that it builds a certain intamacy, and for reasons beyond my understanding, women are always ten times hornier after a good run, especially if you take time to stretch or do some crunches back home after intense cardio. Make an exercise partner of a girl you're interested in dating or are currently dating/married. You'll be pleasantly shocked.
The Dinner Invite
Strategy Name The Dinner Invite
ResultSkills, GFFP Effect, Relationship, god-hood, *DR Boost, Phone Numbers, Getting Laid
Prep Time: 3 days notice, 1 hour shopping, 2 hours cooking
Difficulty: Medium, force your "boys" to help clean when guests leave
Proper dating is an art that requires an essential degree of craft and strategy,. This all comes from women and their need to discuss their dates. If a girl speaks good of you to her friends, your life is a lot easier and your "reputation" goes through the roof. You become a GOD among boys.
One of the best things you can learn to do for yourself is cook. Yes, I said it. Every man should be able to cook, and cook well. While the benefits and reasons for this is a topic for another time, one direct benefit is that you can invite a woman you want -and all of her friends- over for dinner.
Here is the basic strategy. Invite a girl you really like, along with several of her friends, over to your place for dinner. Have your buddies invite some friends too, making it a big and not obvious dinner party. You do all the cooking (make some type of meat and pasta, with wine options along with non-alcohol). That part should take no longer than an hour or two.
When everyone is over, enjoying the food you made, the girls will be googly-eyed at you. Here you are in your place, with your good friends, making dinner for everyone. You are the nucleus of social life, the Eros of the century. This is the type of stuff women melt over. Not only will the girl you invited over deeply want you, so will her friends.
Phase two includes another dinner invite if you wish, or you could mix it up with a night of star-watching. This could be risky, however, as the two events may result in a girl chopping trees and building a dream house, demanding you marry her because you are so awesome. Walk proud, Eros.
So there you have it. My four point guide of various strategies for getting women. All should pretty much work as described. If you fail miserably, buy a cloak, change your name to Friar Tuck and move to Burma to become a monk. You'll already have the requisite knowledge of all things good. Send more questions for advice and hints to joepreagan @ gmail.com.
=Joe P. Reagan=
*Glossary of Reaganisms
Girlfriend-Friend Good Propaganda Effect (GFGP Effect): When girls naturally gossip with each other about their dates, the GFGP Effect occurs when you do something so awesome, the friends tell their other girlfriends about your actions. This creates a ring of women who like you and will speak no evil of you, yet. Guys often call this effect "The Douchebag Boyfriend" effect, because they will hear "Why can't you be more like so and so, he's romantic". It's a vicious circle, my friends.
Dating Resume (DR) Boost: Many bachelors fail to build a proper dating resume. Every woman you date, relationship that ends well, or skills picked up while dating go to enhance your effective list of "skills" and past experiences, as well as references. When making choices on who to date, how you break up with someone, or what skills you learn, always stop to think, "How will this enhance/hurt my Dating Resume".Read More Articles By ReaganFeminism Is Destroying SocietyWorld, Why Do You Hate The USA?The Definitive Guide To Women: The Tragic Ballad of ChuckSinners Always Get Blamed