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Posted by HockeyGod Promoted 444 days 22 hours ago 4488 views
editorial
Lifestyle / Parenting
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39 comments
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It's not that they don't like you, and it's not that they're mean. They just know how big of an idiot you are.
The following is some advice for our readers between the ages of 12 and 17 - but it also applies to you 30 year olds still living in mom's basement. Get a job you hippies.
Remember when we were little? We'd ask our parents if we could do something and then immediately go into our "you hate me, you just don't want me to have fun" routine. Maybe it's the fact that they're "snooping" in your MySpace, or won't let you have the computer in your room. For some of you this could have happened a couple of years ago. For most of our readers, something like this probably happened last week. Regardless, I'm going to let you in on a little secret.
Your parents don't say no because they hate you. They say no because you're a stupid fucking moron. Seriously.
While attending a ball game with my uncle not too long ago we couldn't help but overhear these 2 middle school aged girls and their mom talking. They weren't at all interested in the game, and it seems like their only goal was to make as much noise as possible while everybody else was trying to watch. It wasn't long before they started talking about MySpace, AOL instant messenger, and getting their own computer. It was right about the time I'd given up on trying to pay attention to the game over their relentless chatter.
Some of their conversation was actually interesting. It seems the one girl was begging her mom to let her have a MySpace and AOL IM account. She said something like "I already know what name I want to use - and it's not taken. I want to be JulieDwyerRHS072194. It's my name, my school, and my birthday. Isn't that cool?"
That's when I started thinking. If ever there was a time for a fan to get hit with a ball and rushed to the emergency room, this was it. Heck, I'd have rather gotten hit by a ball than continue listening to this. Alas, it wasn't going to happen - I was stuck listening to the rest of their conversation.
Mom did the right thing - she explained to her daughter why this was the worst possible screen name she could choose. Much to nobody's surprise, the girl totally missed the net safety lesson and immediately went into the above mentioned tirade. I immediately started searching for open seats, but the big "sold out attendance" on the jumbotron quickly ended that search.
Unfortunately, this is all too common among teens and internet use. The whole web2.0 craze among today's youth revolves around putting everything online. We post our photos on MySpace and Flickr, we map where we took them on Google Maps plugins, we blog about what happened at lunch, and we even update twitter from our cell phones to let the world know we're sitting in a traffic jam or taking a bubble bath. Everything we do we feel the desire to post public - yet most of us don't know where to draw the line.
You parents don't put that computer in the living room to be mean - they do it because you'd use it for stupid things. I can't go 15 minutes without seeing a news story on the web about a kid who did something stupid. You text message while driving, post videos of you breaking the law on youtube, threaten and harass people on myspace, and for some reason you 13-15 year old girls keep voluntarily meeting up with 40 year old men. Why? How does that even happen? What makes you accept a friend request from somebody you don't know who's older than your dad? Can somebody please explain that?
That's why your parents say no. They know you better than I do. I may think you're a moron, but they know you're a moron. They know because they were morons at your age too. So was I. In fact, I was probably a moron for a much longer period of time. Why do you think the military starts recruiting around the age of 16 and doesn't heavily recruit those over 20? It's because kids 16-18 are morons. They think they're invincible. I know I did at that age.
So if you're between the age of 12 and 17 do me a favor. Next time you're ready to yell at your parents stop for a minute and ask yourself a question. "Are they just saying no because I'm liable to do something stupid?" You'll soon realize that most of their answers become ostensibly clear.
Related Links:WTF Parents, Stop Being Worthless And Do Your Job Parents... Control Your Kids!