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Posted by Xxoozero Promoted 387 days 9 hours ago 15664 views
editorial
Informative / Informative General
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31 comments
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The U.S. Government lost 1.3 trillion dollars last year. I decided to help them find it. Here are 9 places where the money might have gone.
1. Up George’s nose
He claims to be off the drugs, but his speech patterns say otherwise. It’s that far-away look in his eyes that tell the experienced observer where his mind is; on his next fix. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that we have never seen George W. sober. Except maybe the drunk kind of sober, which means he stopped doing coke for a few days and just stuck to beer for a while.
2. Dick Cheney’s Retirement fund
Of course, with the success of the Halliburton Company, one could argue he wouldn’t need it. Oh yeah? Look closer into his eyes. You have seen that look before. Think back to your childhood. Yes, it is Scrooge McDuck. Look closer at his wife. Is that Launchpad? My god it is!
3. The cracks in the roads?
They are certainly big enough. Maybe city officials just don’t fix them because they have a time machine and where we’re going, we don’t need roads. We don’t need roads because no one will be able to afford gas…
4. Michael Moore ate it
Michael Moore has been silent for quite some time now. It is all due to the Bush administration’s “Feed the Liberals” program. They take guys like Michael Moore and Bill Clinton and offer them a free buffet to keep them silent. Fat guys love Popeye’s Chicken, and Popeye’s Chicken isn’t cheap.
5. The Bush twins had an orgy
I remember the cheap motel and two cute but bitchy white girls trying to feed me some kind of morphine through a tube straw up my ass. I protested, please believe that… I protested with all my might! It just wasn’t enough. Those two psycho whores got me right where I shit! After that nothing was the same…
6. Arming the troops?
Of course. It must have been all that invisible body armor they distributed! Oh wait, my bad. They don’t need body armor because “Jesus” will protect them. Fuck all that. We have the most advanced military the world has ever seen. There is no reason the men should not get free armor. That should just be a default to war. Everyone gets free armor.
7. Gas prices?
Driving is getting to be just as bad as a heroin habit. These Washington guys get driven around a lot. It’s not as cheap as it used to be for Bush to fire up old Air Force One and chase down brown people all over the world. Between this and his cocaine habit, he could blow a few billion in a year no problem…
8. Red Foreman
Because Red Foreman should make every list. It doesn’t matter the subject, Red should be at least 8 or better. In Red’s own words, “I might be the only guy in this room who has actually killed a man.”
9. I stole it!
That’s right, I stole it. I used it all to build a laser, which I subsequently traded for a few joints and a cigarette the other day. I smoked all that, so it’s pretty much gone now. Sorry. My bad.
