In case you are wondering, yes, I do see the irony in telling people to shut up about Anna Nichole and writing an editorial about her.
Last year, the world suffered a great loss with the passing of Ed Bradley. The year before, we lost the comedic genius of Richard Pryor. Two years ago, we lost the great gonzo journalist Dr. Hunter S Thompson. These three great men, who changed the way we view news, literature, and comedy, did not get even a percentage of the media attention that the recent death of the fattest cow to ever come from the Texas trailer park, Anna Nicole Smith, has gotten in recent weeks.
Maybe I missed it, but I don’t really see how she did anything important enough to merit this circus. She slept with an old man, took his money, posed in playboy, and had a very annoying reality show. She did not contribute anything worthwhile to our society. Not even one good porn clip sufficient for a five minute masturbation session.
I know I am not the only one who is sick of hearing her god damn name every time I turn on the news. I also know that there are better stories out there. People are dying in Darfur. Ethiopia is going crazy. Also there is that little business of the war going on halfway across the world.
I remember the first time I seen the dead woman’s reality show on MTV. At the time I wondered how this lazy, fat, gold digging whore ever got her own show. I knew within the first five minutes it was going to lower the collective intelligence of the viewing populace by at least ten IQ points. I’m not one to hit a female, but this girl truly needed a slap.
Now, not surprisingly considering her lifestyle, she is dead. I heard her being compared to Marylyn Monroe the other day. That is total bullshit. She was never anything more than a fat gold digging cunt. At least Marylyn had class. The only class Anna’s fat ass had was the type she dropped out of in junior high.
“But Zero, you’re making fun of a dead woman, which is wrong.” Fuck off with that shit. She had it coming. I hated the fat cunt while she was alive, killing her off is not going to change my opinion. Now her body lies unclaimed in a Florida corners office collecting dust. How is that any different from when she was alive?
I have given quite enough of my writing talent over to this subject. I say we take this time to remember Bradley, Pryor, and Thompson. They deserved our respect and admiration. Those men did something for our society. They challenged the status quo and changed it. They are the ones who should be remembered on the news every fifteen seconds. They are our true heroes.
Join me in protest. The very next time you see that fat cunt’s face disgracing a newspaper or magazine in your presence, take the article in question, leave the room, and take a nice, big shit. When you are sure it is all out, wipe your ass with her picture. Then, (nope, we’re not quite done) take the shitty paper and go find one of those fake ass Hollywood entertainment reporters and make him or her eat it.
Eh, I guess the story is good for something after all.
