The title pretty much sums up the description.
1. Tyler DurdenOf course, what better way to start this list off than with the man who lives within us all? “I look how you want to look, I fuck how you want to fuck…” The thing about him is that he won’t kick your ass himself, he will convince you to do it for him. Not only that, but afterwards you will feel freer than you have ever felt in your life.
2. John McClainThis name was the answer given when Osama Bin Laden was asked what his worst fear was. Before we had homeland security, we had John McLain. He single-handedly thwarted every terrorist attempt on US soil from the late eighties to the early nineties, half the time without even having proper footwear.
3. James BondThere is only one Bond and his name is Connery. This guy could show up in your country, sleep with all your women, kill them along with all your henchmen, destroy your plans to dominate the world, blow up your hideout, and drink all your martinis before you could utter the phrase “Shaken, not stirred.”
4. Brock SampsonIf you are unfamiliar with the Venture Bros., you may not know this name. That is cool because Brock doesn’t give a shit what you know. He is too busy killing ninjas and ghost pirates to care what a bunch of net nerds think. Whatever you do, just don’t try to tell him where he can and can’t camp.
5. Obi Wan KenobiHe may not be the most powerful Jedi, but on any given day he can triumph in a battle. He is like the wildcard. Whether his opponent is Darth Maul, Darth Vader, or just a super crazy Jedi-killing machine, he can pull out the win. Obi is the underdog that too many villains have taken lightly and ended up either cut in half or burned beyond recognition.
6. Achilles“Does he think he will take the beach of Troy with 30 men?” Yes, yes he does. Actually, he would do it himself if he didn’t care enough about his men to get them a decent kill count as well. Gold statues of sun gods do not scare him, and neither do kings who are to full of themselves to realize who the real winner is in a battle. Bonus points awarded for killing the bitch ass Hector.
7. BatmanYou can not defeat the bat. Not even if you have super powers and he does not. One might argue that he is nothing without his toys, but don’t let him hear you say that. He might just drop his utility belt and punch you in the face so hard your future kids will be born knocked the fuck out
8. WolverineThis is the most homicidal little ball of hair you will ever see in your life. This one is bad ass not only because of his killing abilities, but also his ability to take pain. Everything he does hurts. Bad. Imagine having your flesh ripped open by three sharp knives every time you want to open a beer. Logan doesn’t even blink an eye. He actually enjoys it.
9. Red Foreman “I may be the only man in this room who has actually killed a guy.” The thing about Red was that he never had to kick anyone’s ass. A look was enough to shiver the timbers of the even most seasoned pirate. A police officer once pulled Red over. Red let him off with a warning. It doesn’t get any more bad ass than that.
SUPPORT THE WRITER! Visit my Cafepress shop @
www.cafepress.com/xxoozero and donate to my “I do not want to move furniture anymore” fund by buying some shit.