A preview/commentary of new flims coming out for the weekend of June 13th, 2008.
This spring/summer has delivered a few gems when it comes to movies. Iron Man, in my opinion, is the best superhero movie to date. The Dark Knight looks like it will be as good if not better than the latter. Other movies however look like a steaming pile of rejected scripts for Indiana Jones 4. This weekend we will be treated to a few of the questionable ones.
The HappeningThe Plot: A family is on the run after natural disaster threatens the entire planet.
Fresh off the success of “Lady in the Water,” M. Night Shmamlyalawhatever is back with his FIRST R RATED MOVIE that no one could possibly care less about. This movie seems to have people killing themselves for no apparent reason while Marky Mark is confused the whole time. I have read the original screenplay and it was fairly comedic.
(Spoilers)At one point the movie was titled “The Green Effect” because plants and trees release some sort of gas that makes people kill themselves. I know, right? At one point in the script Marky Mark apologizes to a plant for how horrible humans are with pollution and bad writing. I’m not joking! To sum up this movie, Marky Mark and his family run away from gusts of wind for 2 hours. I’m not going to give up the ending because I used the last page of the script to wipe my ass.
The Incredible HulkThe Plot: Geneticist Bruce Banner (Norton) takes flight in order to understand -- and hopefully cure -- the condition that turns him into a monster. Complicating his situation is the military initiative that wants him captured and controlled, as well as the arrival of a more deadly nemesis: the Abomination.
Ed Norton as Bruce Banner? Are you kidding me? This movie looks like a vagina after rough sex. The CGI in the trailers is like that of a made-for-TV movie on the Sci-Fi channel. It couldn’t have been that hard to write either; I mean all you have to do is write 30 segments of how someone is pissing Bruce off and have Bruce warn them about what will happen when he gets mad. Get it? Because he’ll turn in to a big green monster! Har Har Har! I didn’t even see that coming!
The truth is that this movie will rot. It’s directed by the guy who directed The Transporter 2 and it stars a prick that thinks he is way better than he actually is. A big budget and some A list actors doesn’t make a movie good, it sometimes delivers such classics like “Wild Wild West.”
Quid Pro QuoThe Plot: A semi-paralyzed radio reporter is sent out to investigate a story that leads him into an odd subculture and on a journey of disturbing self-realization.
I'm kind of up in the air with this film. It stars L-list actor Nick Stahl and that's basically all I got. I checked imdb.com and found out the female lead is Vera Farmiga, who starred in The Departed. She's hot. Mr. Skin told me that she has been nude in a lot of movies so she might just reveal the goods in this movie. If not, I see no reason to see this movie unless you want to watch the kid from "The Man without a Face" for a long period of time.
In closing, this weekend seems to be a pretty big fail considering everything coming out this summer. I'll hold off on seeing these movies until they come on TNT or FX in a few years, and even then I'll probably just throw on an old episode of The Simpsons.