I've given a great deal of thought to Shoutwire's Alexa numbers woes and have come up with a few ideas to increase internet traffic.
Most recently, quite a bit of discussion has related to, how to go about reversing Shoutwire’s sagging status within the internet community. Feeling a need to contribute, I took the time to assemble a 14 member focus group to approach this question.
The group consisted of, myself, a 12 pack of Miller High Life and one good sized sampling of some top shelf commercial bud.
I’ve edited the results of the meeting to eliminate suggestions related to pizza, Twinkies, shots of Jack Daniels, rails of blow or that all you people are cocksuckers. However, I really didn’t mean the last one, it came up late in the session. In any case, here are a few ideas related to solving the problem at hand:
Keywords in article titlesBeginning immediately, all submission titles would include one or more of the top ten searched Google keywords. This is necessary to assure Shoutwire links appear on the first page of any common search. Regardless of subject matter, an acceptable title might read: “Yahoo Miley Cyrus Brittney Spears Shop on Ebay“. References to weather or recent sporting events are also good.
The Shoutwire Van tourThe site owners would be solicited to provide funding for an official company vehicle to be present at notable public gatherings to hand out genuine Shoutwire branded tin foil hats and maybe, strips of raw bacon.
Celebrity SpokespersonThis is a tough one, trying to find a celebrity who would display the appropriate high moral standards of the SW community, or more importantly, do it for free. Ron Paul has declined. Now, if Brittney Spear’s corpulent vagina would be considered a separate entity apart from her public image, that could be it. I’d recommend the Shoutwire legal team check into the possibility. Otherwise, I’m open to alternative suggestions.
Product PlacementShoutwire users would be prepared at any given time to incorporate advertising into any photo or video opportunity as it presents itself. Political rallies, sporting events, riots or catastrophic disasters are likely to provide appropriate amounts of media coverage.
There you have 4 ideas. One other involved hiring hackers to re-direct all Digg traffic to Shoutwire, but Digg would figure out the scam sooner than later, so I don’t regard that as a strong option.
We all need to do our part to keep this good ship afloat and set the SS Shoutwire on a course toward greatness, freedom, the propagation of fatty, salted pork products and double dong lesbo porn.
No need to thank me, I do this out of love, and for being allowed the opportunity to write ridiculous eds…… At least, until somebody reads this one.
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