My father never went to college so it was really important I go to college. After college, I called him long distance and said, now what?
My dad didn't know.
When I got a job and turned twenty-five, long distance, I said, now what? My dad didn't know, so he said, get married.
I'm a thirty-year-old boy, and I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer I need.
"My father never went to college so it was really important I go to college. After college, I called him long distance and said, now what?
My dad didn't know.
When I got a job and turned twenty-five, long distance, I said, now what? My dad didn't know, so he said, get married.
I'm a thirty-year-old boy, and I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer I need."
I remember reading these words years before the movie came out, and hearing them again and again as I watched Fight Club about 200 times on DVD.
They didn't make much sense to me back then, but lately I've found myself coming back to those words.
In the book The Rain King, the main character keeps hearing voices saying "I want I want I want." Like Mr Henderson I find myself wanting more, but it always goes back to the "What Now?"
My entire life I've had a goal in front of me: Make the hockey team, graduate high school, get into college, finish college, get a job, get a house, get a better job, buy a car, etc.
But what now? I've got a degree, a house, and a job that lets me work out of it, I've got 2 cars, and a really annoying cat. What now?
Some tell me that the next step is to find a girl and get married, but like the Fight Club narrator I'm not sure that's what I want. (Besides, who would want to marry me? I'm an asshole.)
If not a girl, what about another degree? Sure I'd love to go back to college, but not while working full time too.
It may sound funny, but the happiest times of my life involved the pursuit of my so called "happiness." I'm starting to believe that the real value is in chasing the dream, not actually achieving it. This way, at least you've got something to look forward to each morning.
As I rapidly approach 30, I find myself struggling to find something to strive for. My dreams, if you will, are gone.
Langston Hughes once wrote a poem about dreams that goes something like:
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
I can't think of a more apt analogy to describe my current situation. Part of me wants to sell off the house and car and go see the world, while the rest of me is busy calling me an idiot.
If you're a recent college grad, take my advice. Take a year off and do some fun stuff before starting work. Or, if you want to go to grad school, do that first then take a vacation. You'll thank me for it.
I know this isn't the type of editorial you're used to seeing from me, but I just wanted to see if anybody else has ever gotten into one of these lulls and how they got out of it.